TrOgLOdyTe

trog·lo·dyte /ˈtrɒgləˌdaɪt/ Show Spelled[trog-luh-dahyt]

1. a prehistoric cave dweller.

2. a person living in seclusion.

It's the perfect word to describe me and my interaction with the online networking world, or lack thereof. My mother-in-law would be pleased to see me use such a word. It is a term she used often with Brandon as a teen. Every morning, as she opened the curtains and let the sunshine in, Brandon complained about the light and how it hurt his eyes. He wanted to keep the room as dark as possible. As a result, she called him a troglodyte: 1) a prehistoric cave dweller, living in the darkness of a cave.

While I do not particularly want to live in a cave that eliminates the light from the world outside, I do find myself limiting my interaction with others in the world online. For this reason, I call myself a troglodyte, using a second definition of the word: 2) a person living in seclusion.

Now, with this definition comes an explanation and several apologies. First, the {apologies}:
To all of the 21 FB friend requests I did not accept until today: I'm sorry.
To all those who have commented on my wall, blog, or sent a message with no a reply: I'm sorry.
And to all those who never received a birthday wish from me: I really am sorry.

Though this is not a comprehensive list of all the wrong I've done (obviously), I really do feel bad for not communicating to the people I love. It doesn't make sense, especially when I value the friendships I have. Yet, why I am I not more eager to stay in touch, if I truly care?

The answer? It's a personal problem. Really, it's not you, it's me. When I get on the internet to do something as simple as reply to a comment, I find myself spending hours reading updates and viewing pictures. It's as if I lack the self control to stop. One click leads to the next, and before I know it, it seems like the entire night is spent staring at my computer screen. I feel like with all that time on the computer, I should have pages of homework done, but nope, not one. It's actually kinda depressing, just knowing I'm capable of sitting so long without really accomplishing any item of business desperately needing completion. I feel downright lazy.

Consequently, I've moved to the opposite extreme. Rather than devoting hours of my time interacting with the world of friends online, I've eliminated that possibility as I've avoided the networking scene altogether, in fear that if I even do so much as log on, I will succumb to the temptation to waste away time in which I should be doing other things. Since my senior year began, I've ignored the world of people outside of my view, secluded myself from them, and thus, become a troglodyte.

As result, there are the pro's and con's. On a positive note, I've been able to stay focused on my studies, and not feel guilty for not neglecting my homework, calling, or husband, due to excessive time on the internet. It has felt great to be able to accomplish what I set to do, without getting distracted, oh so easily by the click of my fingertips.

On the negative end, I've been neglecting people. Not just anybody either, people I care about. As if right now, I still am not completely certain how to go about finding the balance, but I do know that nothing is extremes is a good thing. So to all those I've ignored, I do apologize, and am genuinely sorry. Just know it's really not you, it's me, trying to figure things out.

P.S. Brandon read this post, and then asked if I wrote this to the bishop. Too serious? lol.